I'm "Wander Girl." It's nice to meet you. I'm sure you look lovely behind your computer screen. So here's my intro - I've been a psychiatric nurse for about five years and I'm also a newly graduated art therapist (which, as a side note, is code for a therapist who is also trained in how to use art to help people express their feelings and symbolically represent their experience in a way that feels true and meaningful to them. And if that doesn't make sense then just google it, but it's pretty much the coolest thing since sliced bread or whatever). Anyway, through these career choices I've had the honor of caring for people, hearing and sharing in the stories of how others go through their lives, and discovering the power of art as a mode for healing and self discovery. However, as wonderful and mushy as that sounds, the truth is that right now I'm at a point where I don't really want to take care of other people at the moment. I'm actually pretty tired of it and although I'm excited to return to it some day, right now I'm curious about what it might be like to just worry about myself... to not feel obligated or tied down and just see what happens. And you know what? I'm pretty confident the world is not going to collapse.
With that said, In about two weeks I'll be starting a voyage I've been dreaming of for three years. It's also a journey that has received little to no planning whatsoever, which is exactly how I intended it to be. I want an adventure, not a guided tour.
So why in the heck would anyone do this? A year long inter-continental trip starting with only a one way ticket, a super tight budget, and no plan. I mean it's "crazy" right? Some people just get it. No questions asked, and there's nothing but encouragement and excitement. However there were others who insisted on inundating me with an endless stream of frantic questions. I know of course that these questions were at least partially out of genuine concern and love for me, but I also think the questions were at least partially a projection of their own fears (sorry, there's therapist me coming out). Furthermore, the fact that I just shrugged in response seemed to spike their anxiety even more:
Where are you going to stay?
What are you going to do?
What if you don't know anyone?
What if you get lost?
What if you get kidnapped?
Didn't you see taken? Aren't you afraid?
What if there's a terrorist attack?
What if you get sick?
What if SOMETHING happens?
What if, what if, what if ...
I can't help but feel confused and sorry for them in response the these questions. And my only answer I can think of is this: YEAH, WHAT IF?
What if I never get out and do what I've been dreaming of because I'm too caught up
on trying to prepare for or prevent all of the what ifs?
What if I were so paralyzed by fear of the unknown that I never allowed myself to be
free? To let go? To wander?
What if I don't want to plan every second of my life?
What if I want to take a deep breath and enjoy the moment without constantly trying to control it?
What if this ends up being one of the greatest adventures of my life, and I make unforgettable memories and friends that I'll cherish forever?
And what if you answered the call to some of your own adventures as well?
I don't know what is going to happen or where I'll end up. I'm not completely naive either. I know that traveling can be dangerous (especially if you are alone) and there will probably be some unpleasant happenings along the way. But I also know myself and what I am capable of. I know that I am strong and I learn from all the (for lack of a better word) shit that happens in life and I use the difficult experiences to propel me forward. I have faith in my abilities to either figure it out or just go with it; as well as my ability to find beauty and joy in even the tiniest places. But most of all I know that my free spirited soul just has to do it. Have you ever had something pulling you toward it that you just can't ignore? Or feel like you were meant to do something? It's that simple. I'm doing this because I have to and I want to. And frankly I'm honored if you'd like to check in along the way.
Lastly, I know that these qualities are not unique to me. I know there are countless people who long to do something their whole lives and never do it. Maybe because of fear, or discouragement from others, pressure from family or society to go to school, get good grades, get a job immediately after graduation, pay your bills, settle down, get a family - you know, do the thing you're supposed to, whatever it is. I hope this blog can help show that you don't have to always do the thing that's expected of you. If what you are doing doesn't make you feel alive, it's cool if you want to just say "forget this," or "forget you" to people who just can't seem to be encouraging, or just take a break if you need one. Cheesy parting line: if you're not loving life, then what the hell is it all for anyway? Permission granted to get out and do.
Thanks for reading, more to come soon!
- Wander Girl
Comments
Post a Comment